With immense pride we present to you not 1 but 2 amazing, incredible new Limited Edition watches. The SeriousWaffle DeepWaffle Pro Watch 3.7 and the SeriousWaffle SeriouslyDeepWaffle Ub50 OILI. After last year's immensely popular SeriousWaffle Watch 2.0 our team of 40 people has worked night and day to improve the design and bring the power of the Waffle to the alluring depths.
Now, we realise innovation can be scary or daunting at first, so we have compiled a FAQ to truly blow your mind and show you just how good these watches are.
Why 3.7?
During our extensive testing our team of 54 scientists unfortunately had scrap certain designs that didn't work. Or ate them.
Limited?
Yes! We are producing just 999 pieces or better said 175824 calories of both of these watches.
How many people actually worked on this project?
We took this very seriously and hired over 400 people to work on this project.
What’s up with the oil?
One the biggest challenges when you are exploring a pool is that your waffle legibility suffers due to the light reflections. Our special OILI – Oh I Love It – technology allows you to view the lovely Waffle Syrup at all times. Even when diving.
That sounds complicated!
It definitely is. We had to develop special machines that allows the syrup to be put in the watch case and still maintain the right viscosity. The funnel alone cost several dozens of cents when we sourced it in China!
Celebrity endorsements
As with our previous limited edition, this one has been a big hit among world renown celebrities
Britney: this watch definitely is not toxic!
Harry: I'd leave my family for this watch
Bill: If I had this watch, I’d have an apple for dinner
Have these watches been tested in the ocean?
Absolutely! Our team has employed over 700 divers and organisations to help us test them. From Jimmy Cameroni to COMIX to the Ruin the Ocean project - all took these amazing watches to the ocean.
So what were the results?
They had a lovely day at the beach.
So did they go into the ocean?!
Yes, they went into the ocean.
Nevermind...
OK!
How do you tell the time:
We're in the process of creating a new, special timezone, MeanGreenWitchTime (MGWT) in which our watches will be very accurate. Currently nearly 1200 academics are working on this brilliant idea.
So does the DeepWaffle Pro have a diving bezel?
Absolutely! Our 1715 engineers developed a unique and patented nonodirectional bezel. Which is better than unidirectional or bidirectional.
How is it better?
Normally you have to actually move the bezel manually to adjust it. With ours you simply turn your wrist and it will optically show a different position. Brilliant and clever, if we may say so!
What kind of movement does this watch have?
We employed a team of 4199 people to help design not 1 but 2 movements! The DeepWaffle Pro features the incredible ID10TS movement, which is – we’re proud to say – entirely in-house and better than the previous ID10T movement, as it has more letters.
The Ub50 OILI features a not just a free-sprung balance, it has a unique free-floating bridge that allows for true frictionless movement and will never require new oil or any sort of maintenance.
Quartz or mechanical?
Yes
Where were these watches made?
The watches were proudly designed in someone's basement, made in California
Are they compliant with ISO?
ISO? SCHMISO! We developed our own agency - Space Center Horology Mission International Organisation for Standardisation. And SCHMISO have given these watch a lot of certificates for being so good. The entire top 3 best watches consist of SeriousWaffle watches. Beat that conventional multi-billion Dollar watch companies!
So can I seriously take these watches on my next diving trip?
Our team of 7233 lawyers advised us to plead the fifth on that.
Who are these watch for?
We like to say everyone - we exclude no one. But we do advise people with allergies, serious professions, all of their teeth or dignity to consider that this is the most amazing development in horology in hundreds of years. They may not be able to value it accordingly in this day and age of fake news.
How about the environment?
We love it!
Ok, but does this watch do anything for the environment?
Oh... Yes! The DeepWaffle Pro is fully biodegradable. If you throw it in the ocean or leave it somewhere, it will be eaten in minutes. So unlike some of the alternatives that are only degradable during the tide or something, we're better.
The OILI is also fully biodegradable on the inside. The outside will last for centuries... But that's good right?
But wait, there's one more thing, right?
Erm, nope! These watches are it! Or is it? Mr. Bezos has built a clock in a mountain, with the cheesy name of 'Clock of the Long Now'. Little did he know we already beat him to it, and we dug a very deep hole in the garden of one of our chief scientists' grandmother's garden and placed a DeepWaffle's prototype there. We expect it to be accurate for 10001 years as long as no dogs or other animals eat it, but we’ve placed a decent amount of landmines to prevent any interference. The project has been dubbed 'Waffle of the Long Waffle' and the next generations will marvel at the brilliance of the DeepWaffle, all the way from nana's backyard!
On behalf of the 14000 people that worked very hard to make this incredible project defy the odds and do what no other brand has done before, we say... You're welcome.
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